The difference between being prideful and being proud is one of intention and self-awareness. For years, I struggled with a deep lack of self-worth—whether it stemmed from this lifetime, a previous one, or generational patterns passed down, I don’t know. My mother, too, battled with self-love, and it’s a strange state of mind to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it. Yet, I believe many of us share this struggle, even if in different forms.
From a lack of self-worth, behaviors emerge that don’t serve us. We become overachievers or workaholics, but no matter how hard we try, we feel we never accomplish enough because nothing seems good enough. We fall into toxic relationships because we mirror the abuse we inflict upon ourselves. We tolerate disrespect because we’ve grown accustomed to doubting ourselves and our abilities. And instead of standing up and saying, “Don’t treat me like that,” we internalize the doubt, saying, “You’re probably right.”
This cycle of proving ourselves, seeking validation from others, and never feeling fulfilled is a hallmark of living without self-pride. I realized, after much inner work, that pride isn’t about seeking external validation. I had to stop and ask myself: What if no one ever knew about all I had accomplished? What if no one saw the degrees, certificates, or hard-earned successes? I would still know. I know who I am, the battles I’ve faced, the storms I’ve weathered, and how I pulled myself up. I know how resilient, creative, and caring I am—even if no one else does.
Sometimes we fail, we make mistakes, and we blow stuff up. Others will laugh at us, put us down, and misunderstand our intention. We cannot control what others think or see. We cannot control the negativity that will come our way, but we can hang on to our inner peace and inner strength—just by hanging on to ourselves. What others think is not who we are. What others see does not define our strength or knowledge. We are all on different paths, sometimes crossing, sometimes colliding. If I could try to explain all the mistakes or misunderstandings, to heal all the times I broke someone’s heart or why I wasn’t where someone wanted me to be, or why I couldn’t provide everything that was wanted or promised, I could stand on a podium for the rest of my life trying to explain and mend things.
Being proud means understanding that everyone makes mistakes, including ourselves. But we must also learn to be compassionate with ourselves in those moments. Instead of beating ourselves up, we acknowledge that mistakes are part of the learning and growing process. Having pride in what you do means knowing you’re always doing your best, and when you do a good job, take a moment to appreciate that accomplishment. Step back and really see that achievement. It’s only possible because of everything you’ve learned, the connections you’ve made, and the perseverance you’ve shown in getting out of bed every day.
When you treat yourself with value, that’s a true expression of pride. It’s a shift from seeking external validation to recognizing your own worth, and when you make that shift, everything changes. Your behaviors begin to align with the pride you feel for yourself. You’ll approach life with a sense of self-respect, and naturally, this extends to how you treat others. You no longer need to prove anything or seek approval because you are grounded in your own sense of dignity. As you treat yourself with love, compassion, and honor, you’ll treat others with the same respect, creating a ripple effect of kindness, compassion, and mutual understanding. True pride nurtures not only your own soul but also those around you.
